3 March 2018

A Change of Scenery

Coffee and scone in the cathedral this morning. It’s a once a month event and usually well attended but the weather kept a lot of people away today, including my friend M, we had another fall of snow last night and she just didn’t want to go out. It wasn't too bad though, I was well wrapped up and the temperature was up to 3 degrees! 

Apart from walking the dogs I hadn’t been out of the house since Tuesday and much as I like hibernating, making quilts and pottering around I had started to feel a bit stir crazy, I needed a change of scenery, and I wanted to go to the market for some fleece for a quilt.

We live along a bus route so the roads are gritted but ever since I had an accident a few years ago I avoid driving in snowy conditions. I thought I had given myself enough time to walk down to the bus stop but I had only just left the house when the bus came along, I stuck my arm out and hoped he would stop, which he did, so that was lucky.

Over my coffee and scone I got talking to a homeless man, although he didn’t describe himself as homeless, the flat he was renting burnt down so he was between homes. I think he was known to the volunteers because they addressed him by his name and were re-filling his coffee mug. Aged 63 he suffers from PTSD and has been abandoned by his family. He is currently sleeping in a local church that has been opened and staffed by volunteers, to help rough sleepers over this very cold period. His belongings were in two rucksacks but his phone, wallet, ID and bank cards had been stolen. Someone had given him another phone and when a friend returns from duty overseas the week after next he will have some help. He was well spoken, clean and well dressed and seemed to accept his lot. "It is what it is" he said.

I came away feeling troubled, should I have given him some money, and if I did would I have walked away wondering if I had been taken advantage of? I have bought sandwiches and hot drinks for people sitting on the pavements in town and I buy the Big Issue now and again, but rarely give money.

But ...... would it have mattered if I had been taken advantage of? maybe not
and would a few pounds mean more to him than it does to me? maybe. 

~Be warm and well ~
Polly x

25 comments:

  1. Your question poses a conumdrum - I think that I possibly would have been like you, and then wondered if I had done the right thing later.

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    1. It is a conumdrum Rosemary, it's still on my mind now.

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  2. Chances are that if you go to this spot again, you may meet up with this man again. And it will be a chance to do -- or not -- as you think. It's a hard decision to make, isn't it? He sounds quite philosophical about it. Food is always good, I think.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I was thinking the same Jeanie. It's only once a month but I will go in April.

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  3. I think it's best to donate to the night shelters, soup kitchens and so on who help the homeless rather than to individuals.

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    1. Yes I think you're right John, they have more experience.

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  4. Always a difficult decision, we tend to donate to shelters food banks and such.

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    1. I think I made the right decision. I give to the Salvation Army and food banks.

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  5. So hard! I know..I hear you.
    If I feel bad afterwards then I know I should have listened to my instinct.
    And even if I do..I still feel bad...especially if others make me feel so.Can't win.

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    1. I know Nana, I don't think there is a right or wrong.

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  6. This is my fourth attempt to post a comment. Blogger keeps swallowing my comments on one blog after another.

    I think it's very hard to know if rough sleepers are genuine. I want to take what they say at face value, but I hear so many stories of "professional beggars" that I don't know what to believe. I guess you should just follow your conscience and give or not give accordingly.

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    1. There is that element as well, I think he was genuine.

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  7. We complain about lack of supplies in the bad weather, nothing compared to being without a home. You probably made as much difference just talking to the man as you would have giving him money

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    1. I know Jenny, I try not to complain nowadays, there are so many people suffering all kinds of hardship.

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  8. "Coffee and scone in the cathedral" - I can't think of a nice way to start a post. Or a day.
    Amalia
    xo

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    1. Hello Amalia, it is a nice way to start the day followed by a bit of shopping and browsing around the shops :-)

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  9. You might find that if you had offered him money he might have been offended Polly, you just don't know really. As one of your readers above said I think you just chatting and being interested would have meant a lot to him. Gosh it just shows you how a person's circumstances can change though..

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    1. Yes I think you're right Grace, he had a quiet pride about him.

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  10. I understand exactly where you are coming from. I don't give money to beggars. I have bought them sandwiches and drinks but prefer to give the money to 'Shelter' or similar charities. Very difficult though.

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    1. I like to support the Salvation Army, they do a lot to help the homeless.

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  11. I think talking to him and treating him like a fellow friend was a gift in itself. I also do not drive when it's snowy out , I wish I had a bus to ride, I live in a small town without any public transportation so it's driving a car or sitting at home :)

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    1. I think that's what most homeless people want, just to be treated well. I don't know how I would have coped without the bus service, we are very lucky, and I have my bus pass :-)

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  12. I used to feel bad for homeless people and then not give them anything because so many people had said things like 'they won't accept anyone's help' and 'they're professional beggars and just go round the corner and get in a Mercedes to go home', but I'm inclined to think that neither of those is really true. I now keep some small change in my pocket and if I see someone sitting on the pavement with a cup or something in front of them, I'll give them a pound - more at Christmas. I've got talking to a few of them, too, and find that far too many are servicemen just returned from a war zone, some with PTSD, and abandoned by their government and their families. And yes, some do refuse to go to the official shelters or be rehoused in the official local council homeless housing. Why? Because many have a dog for protection and dogs are not allowed! How heartless is that? The choice is give up your dog (which will probably be put to sleep) or stay on the streets, whereupon the local authority will write 'refused help' on your file and wash its hands of you. For most street people, their dog is their only friend. It's sad.

    I do have a direct debit out to Shelter, too. I feel bad for them. Nobody should sleep rough in our land of plenty.

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    1. Hi Jay, thank you for your comments. It’s an interesting read. This man was ex army. A lot of homeless people have mental health issues, the old asylums were horrible places, but care in the community doesn’t always work. The official shelters can be horrible too. A guy who was living in our village church for a while told us that he was regularly beaten up and robbed in the city shelter. I don’t know if there is a long term solution.

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